Another Year...

Just because my birthday is tomorrow, I figured it's a good time to reflect on (some) of the events over the past year.

I've made it through one year of paramedic school...Hooray!!  Only one more year to go.  I've had quite a few excellent experiences, seen things some experienced medics haven't, and gotten to do some pretty wicked skills.  I'm loving every minute of it.

Not much else has changed.  I have grown quite a bit as a person, and taken some huge steps in my life...damn I feel like an adult lol. 

I picked up a bad habit again...though I'm dropping it after All Good.  I've got motivation...

I became single again...twice.  Not that it's a bad thing...to quote someone "when you least expect it in the most random places"...yes, random indeed.  To those that want to call me a hypocrite...bite me.  If anything, people should be happy for me (I suppose that's the princess in me coming out, huh?).  I have learned not to put all my eggs in one basket.  I am somewhat pessimistic, but really, who can blame me? 

And as for the asshole...I gotta love being greeted by "Is there some reason why you're not answering your phone?"  EXCUSE ME?!?!? Who the fuck do you think you are??  I don't have to answer to you anymore dickhead.  You can't check up on me, go through my phone, track everything I do anymore.  I have nothing to say to you.  Give me back my goddamn keys and stay out of my life.

Yes, I have met someone.  Am I betting it all?  Hell no, so far I've got a new friend who I enjoy spending time with and, strangely enough, have a lot in common with.  I gotta lay out some rationale here though...I have no expectations.  Are there things I would like to happen?  Hell yes.  My problem is (sorry to a certain someone out there) that every time I've expected a guy to do something, I've been disappointed (with the exception of this past Monday...I've had that idea for like 10 years and it finally happened :D).  I would love to go along with having expectations and having them met...it's just so damn hard for me.  The last thing I want is to feel that again.  I know there are many disappointments in life, it's just, well, I feel like it's all I've had.

As I'm writing this, I have been thinking.  I've got a great idea, and hopefully it will pay off.  I think it's for the best...I'm wiping the slate clean.  I have been hurt and let down, but I cannot and WILL NOT let that affect any new adventure I may be getting myself into.  If you want me to have expectations, I will have expectations.  I'm not going to set the bar high...I can't hold anyone to the high standards I have just yet.  I want to start from scratch, see how things go.  I am still in disbelief as to how this all came about, but whatever...I'm going with it.  Nothing but good things thus far. 
And by the way, I did mean what I said about my birthday.  My parents are taking me out to dinner, and I expect nothing else on my birthday.  I'm not officially in a relationship (unless I missed the memo...entirely possible with my ADHD and hectic schedule), therefore hugs and kisses and an easy night at work is all I'm hoping for.
All Good in t-minus 4 days...thank God Sean Myers is going, otherwise I'd end up smoking a whole carton over there.

Damn, what a year it's been.  In two I'll be thirty...hahahaha that's going to be awesome.  I think, however, that it will be the deciding year for me.  More on that later.

In closing, I gotta say this...I miss you Sean.  Happy birthday big brother.  Just five years ago tomorrow you bought me a beer, met some of my closest friends, and we celebrated together for the last time.  It still hurts kids...he was a role model for me.  I looked up to him.  He worked hard, worked for everything he had, and made his way up through the company from the bottom. The training center at the US headquarters of his company is dedicated to him.  He was an amazing man, a wonderful father, and the best big brother a girl could ask for...Rest in Peace, Sean...

Nota bene

Ok, so I've got to put this out there.  I'm working on my birthday.  Partly because I didn't want to give anyone the opportunity to take me out...partly because I haven't celebrated my birthday in 5 years, so why start now?
Some people say this is a piss-poor outlook...if you don't know the background story, here goes nothing:

Five years ago this October I lost my older brother Sean...someone whom I had looked up to my entire life.  His birthday was the 9th, mine the 10th, so until he grew up and moved out we had always celebrated birthdays together, and at least called or texted each other on our birthdays after that.  In 2006, we got together and went out to dinner with friends for our birthdays.  He passed away less than 3 months later, the day before we were supposed to meet for lunch.  I still get worked up about it...what can I say, I'm emotional.  We've established that.  (If anyone wants to go with me to his memorial at the Games Workshop headquarters, I'm going on October 5th).

So...yeah that's depressing, isn't it?  Sorry to bring down the room.

Anyways, I have to say something else.  I know before I said I didn't want to date or anything, but that will change.  My only problems are as follows:  I need someone who will...
-understand my crazy schedule
-love me for me
-at least have some understanding of the fire service, not necessarily be in the fire service
-trust me
These are minimum standards...believe me, there is much more, but given what happened the last time around, I have to put that out there.
Also, if I had rejected your advances, you cannot take this personally.  I don't understand why anyone thinks that hitting a girl up RIGHT AFTER she gets dumped is a great idea (especially when that happened after a 4 month relationship, and before that I was with someone for 5 years).  I suppose guys have this hero complex where they have to swoop in and save the damsel in distress?  Do I look like a damsel in distress?  I most certainly don't have the boobs for it anymore (as I was reminded today at the fire house)...though I do have a couple of pretty cute dresses (but nowhere to wear them lol)...
Yes, I did say that I have cute dresses...breathe people!  Oh, and when we went out the the bar the other night, I wore a pink thin-strapped tank top.  With ruffles.  And makeup.
LMAO I'm beginning to wonder how many of my close friends have passed out after reading that.  When I told Guthrie the other night "I can wear cute things like this now"  he said "Who the hell are you?" (Guthrie and I have known each other for about 15 years).
So that is my sad, sad story for the week.  Believe it or not, I'm doing a lot better.  Still hurts, still stings like a bitch, but that will dissipate with time.  I don't expect it to go away overnight.
It seems like every time I talk about something good that happens to me on here, someone has to go screw it up.  Not this time...