Nota bene

Ok, so I've got to put this out there.  I'm working on my birthday.  Partly because I didn't want to give anyone the opportunity to take me out...partly because I haven't celebrated my birthday in 5 years, so why start now?
Some people say this is a piss-poor outlook...if you don't know the background story, here goes nothing:

Five years ago this October I lost my older brother Sean...someone whom I had looked up to my entire life.  His birthday was the 9th, mine the 10th, so until he grew up and moved out we had always celebrated birthdays together, and at least called or texted each other on our birthdays after that.  In 2006, we got together and went out to dinner with friends for our birthdays.  He passed away less than 3 months later, the day before we were supposed to meet for lunch.  I still get worked up about it...what can I say, I'm emotional.  We've established that.  (If anyone wants to go with me to his memorial at the Games Workshop headquarters, I'm going on October 5th).

So...yeah that's depressing, isn't it?  Sorry to bring down the room.

Anyways, I have to say something else.  I know before I said I didn't want to date or anything, but that will change.  My only problems are as follows:  I need someone who will...
-understand my crazy schedule
-love me for me
-at least have some understanding of the fire service, not necessarily be in the fire service
-trust me
These are minimum standards...believe me, there is much more, but given what happened the last time around, I have to put that out there.
Also, if I had rejected your advances, you cannot take this personally.  I don't understand why anyone thinks that hitting a girl up RIGHT AFTER she gets dumped is a great idea (especially when that happened after a 4 month relationship, and before that I was with someone for 5 years).  I suppose guys have this hero complex where they have to swoop in and save the damsel in distress?  Do I look like a damsel in distress?  I most certainly don't have the boobs for it anymore (as I was reminded today at the fire house)...though I do have a couple of pretty cute dresses (but nowhere to wear them lol)...
Yes, I did say that I have cute dresses...breathe people!  Oh, and when we went out the the bar the other night, I wore a pink thin-strapped tank top.  With ruffles.  And makeup.
LMAO I'm beginning to wonder how many of my close friends have passed out after reading that.  When I told Guthrie the other night "I can wear cute things like this now"  he said "Who the hell are you?" (Guthrie and I have known each other for about 15 years).
So that is my sad, sad story for the week.  Believe it or not, I'm doing a lot better.  Still hurts, still stings like a bitch, but that will dissipate with time.  I don't expect it to go away overnight.
It seems like every time I talk about something good that happens to me on here, someone has to go screw it up.  Not this time...